Morning Walks

I sometimes go for walks in the mornings. I do this to get some exercise and some "fresh air" to begin my day. Yes, I like to begin my day with my lungs full of bus exhaust fumes and dumpster smell. It's the best. I was good about walking every morning when I was pregnant and I had mixed feelings about it. Even though I was completely self conscious and picked up all sorts of obnoxious comments, it made me feel great. And for some reason it seemed a little more normal to be going on an exercising walk while ginormously pregnant. Now I feel self conscious about that too... Why am I not running like normal people? Why don't I purchase a gym membership? Answers: because I hate running and I feel stupid and flabby when I run; because I don't like people looking at me, so I'd just wind up staying home and getting fatter. (I made the most delicious berry cobbler yesterday! I ate half the pan!!)

So this morning I walked. I avoided passing the same business twice as I avoided passing the same homeless people twice. I felt like a wandering idiot. Martin says I should take one of the dogs, but then I'll end up carrying poop around with me. Yuck. What I wish is that I could have a morning destination. I can't afford to buy my coffee every morning though, and that's the only destination I can think of for 7:30 in the morning. Any suggestions?

Man, that cobbler was yummy.

Practicing Kindness (Heavy on the Pictures)

This is Greta sporting one of her best outfits. I'm on of those people who gets really judgy when young girls are dressed skankily. Her parents let her out of the house in THAT?!? Then I have to look at what my own daughters are wearing, and I think maybe I should try not to be such a judger.

Speaking of judging....

I followed a link on Facebook the other day to a blog I'd never read before. One of my friends had commented on it, and it looked kind of interesting in a "my kind of person" sort of way. (Conservative, Catholic, Stay-At-Home-Mom to daughters. Sound like someone you know?) Anyway, the reason there were comments for me to see was because this blogger had stirred up some discussion on her blog. Not so much about any specific content of her blog, but ABOUT HER BLOG. People were basically saying they didn't like her blog anymore. Except it wasn't that simple... they were being pretty mean about it.

So I read some of her most recent posts, in which she is at least 7 months pregnant, moving, making enormous cross-country car journeys with two kids and no husband (while pregnant) to be in a wedding, where she will wear a dress that's not in her possession, which she just has to hope will fit. and evidently it didn't fit all that well. Short story: she seems to be having a tough go of it lately. To me, it seems like HER OWN BLOG might be an appropriate place to do some public venting. And yes, there was a bit of politics thrown into her posts, a bit of personal views. Not surprising--IT'S HER BLOG. What is really shocking is that her readers were totally turning on her and saying pretty unkind things--one of them actually said "maybe you should stop blogging until after your baby is born." !?!?!?! WHO SAYS THAT?!? Now, like I said, I don't know this person and I had never even heard of her blog before the other day. But after reading a few posts and a number of ouchy comments, I ended up thinking of this poor girl for the rest of the day. And I kept thinking, "Why do we have to be so MEAN?" What's the point, really, of being unkind to someone? It seems to me that going to someone's personal blog and telling them you don't like it and they should change it is a little bit like going to someone's house and asking them to take down their artwork. It's okay to be offended by my religious artwork or nude statues (we don't really have any nude statues) and it's okay to tell me in a gentle way how your views of the world differ from mine. That's life--we don't all think the same way. And CLEARLY a blog is a pretty public place where you are inviting controversy and discussion and should be prepared for that and not have your feelings hurt when somebody does disagree with you. But I see no reason to be deliberately unkind to people for being who they are. We all have stretches of unpleasantness in our lives. (Especially when we're pregnant.) So, maybe her posts have gotten a little pessimitic, a little complainy lately. So what? If it bothers you that much, don't read her. But maybe, MAYBE, where someone said "hey, your blog is really stinking these days" there should have been a comment more along the lines of "hey... are you okay?" It's just a thought. I just wish everyone would be more kind to each other, in general. It's easy to be jerky to people though the internet because it's so non-confrontational and impersonal. But that doesn't make it nececssary, nor does it make it right.

I put that "nor" in there because Greta and Anja have started saying it and it makes me laugh.

And you're probably all wondering why I'm not putting up a link to the blog itself, but it's because I don't even remember what it was! I just clicked the link on Facebook! So, sorry about that.

Here's a picture of (!) ME with Elka from this morning:

I am not usually a fan of pictures of myself. I prefer ones more like this one, where I have no head:

 Martin and I realized yesterday after we'd gotten dressed that we were dressed the same. Oops! So we had Greta take our picture (many times. and then I cut and pasted to get this.) Looks like we both could use a run through the dryer though, huh?

Here's another picture of me with no head:

To show that in the evenings Elka and I sit on the porch swing and suck our thumbs. !!!! I have never had a thumb sucker before and I am absolutely IN LOVE with this little habit of hers. It's so adorable. And ridiculously convenient... this whole "self-soothing" thing is a new to me... Sometimes if she's fussing in a tired way I'll put her down on her blanket on the floor and she'll stick her thumb in her mouth and be asleep within thirty seconds. It's weird. I love it.

Our Labor Day weekend included some heavy rains, thanks to Hurricane Isaac. We told our friend Perkins to come to town from Cincinnati and she did, and we gathered the makings for hurricanes, those fruity rum drinks from New Orleans. We were all set for a full blown hurricane party! We had the alcohol, the music, the weather, and then we got something we didn't expect: fireworks! Coming out of our walls! In our laundry room!! And it was a great drill in preparedness as the big girls were both naked and Elka was napping--we were all out of the house with dresses for the girls to put on in a matter of seconds. And then the firemen came. And they went into my house and they went through my kitchen, and this is what they saw:

 (minus Greta eating a tomato, of course.) My kitchen is usually very tidy. But we had company and I was in the middle of making dinner! The girls had just pulled ALL of the books off the kitchen bookshelf, Martin had just gotten home from the grocery and not all the groceries were put away yet, we were behind on dishes because it was the weekend and we had company staying with us, and the girls were in the middle of a number of different art projects. I was so embarrassed. But at least somebody turned off the burners on the stove while they were in there so the dinner didn't get ruined.

Greta's been writing her name lately and she's been making her 'R's into little people. and all of Greta's people wear their hair in double knots.

 And speaking of Greta.... Martin had ordered these umbrellas for the girls a looooong time ago to keep as a surprise for a rainy day. Surprise! Anja's is pink with ladybugs, but she was already outside when I took this.

And here's Elka.

Mornings are my favorite part of the day, when we're all upstairs and I make all the beds and the big girls immediately jump on them and Elka and I hang out on the big bed together. Have I ever mentioned on here that I have the most comfortable bed in the whole entire universe? It's true. It's comfy enough as it is, but we've added a featherbed to it and now it's just amazing. Which I guess is maybe why last night I had to sleep with most of my body hanging off the bed, clinging to a tiny corner of covers while the rest of my family was sleeping cozily together like puppies. In my bed. ALL OF THEM.  If other people want to have The Family Bed, have at it... but I don't think I agree with this "Family (except for Mama) Bed" that's happening around my house lately. I feed them, I bathe them, I clothe them, I read them endless piles of books every single day, and what do they do? They make me sleep in a toddler bed. Sad face.

Pictures I forgot to put in the previous post...

Once Upon A Time I Was a Knitter

The other day I finished up this sweater:



For this baby:

And I feel so happy that I have completed--not just a project-- a SWEATER in the ten short weeks since Elka was born. It makes me feel like I still have some eensy weensy bit of control over my life. Of course, that control has to be put on the back burner until after midnight and then it has to be reassessed each night to determine whether or not it is more valuable than sleep... But nevertheless, if I look hard enough, it's there.

Anja and Greta have really started drawing [again] lately. They spend hours of each day crouched over paper, drawing mostly pictures of our family. They each have a distinct style, it's obvious when they've been trying hard instead of just "sketching" and I love, love, love to watch this interest develop. Funnily, for Greta it is art; she is drawing a picture. For Anja it's pretend play, just an extension of her "games" where she draws out a story and talks through it as she works. And once Greta finishes a drawing, she's done. But Anja will change one drawing throughout the day as her make believe story evolves. So fun to watch!

So I guess we're all being creative these days.

ohmygoshimsoexhausted

We have a two-month-old now:

Now, let me be clear: To say we've been spoiled by Elka's "good baby"ness is the understatement of the year. Elka is AWESOME. Elka wakes up just once a night after going to bed between 9 and 10 almost every night. Elka is a champion napper [most days.] Elka wakes up happy and loves to lie on her back and smile at her sisters and me until she feels ready for a nap again. Elka loves to watch her green knit rattle bird that hangs from her hammock crossbar. Elka loves to nurse and so she has many rolls. I have to put powder in her neck rolls to keep them from being constantly wet. Elka has four chins.

But for all of Elka's goodness, Elka is still child #3 and while Child#3 is a champion sleeper and doesn't talk much, Child#2 and Child#1 are both very chatty and while they are also good sleepers (finally!) they have very different sleep schedules. Greta is an early riser and an early-to-bedder. She likes to go to bed at 7 or shortly after and wakes up at 7 or shortly after the next morning. Anja, on the other hand likes to stay up as late as possible and has to be dragged out of bed every morning somewhere in the neighborhood of 9:00 [or so.] This doesn't leave very many hours for "me time" if I want to have any sleep of my own. So mostly at the end of the day I try my best to do one last pick-up of the house while Martin catches up on the dishes and we fill each other in on the news of each others' days in the short time where there are no little people awake. Then we collapse into bed and it begins again in the morning.

But sleep aside, while everyone else seems to be getting back into the swing of the school year, we are still enjoying summer!  The other day I made a totally ghetto sandbox for the girls and they love it:

 It's an under-the-bed storage tub. Our backyard has become sort of "off limits" since we've had multiple HUGE branches falling in the places where the kids play. One day a branch fell on the clothesline and took all my laundry down with it, and they went into the kiddie pool where the girls had been playing the afternoon before. That was just one limb of a few, so I don't let us use the backyard anymore. Luckily, we have other places that are nice, like Battle Ground:

 We were there for the St. Boniface annual Assumption Pilgrimage. We didn't participate in the hike, but we came to help feed the pilgrims lunch and stayed out there for the afternoon. We visited the nature center and listened to the bagpipes at a little wedding going on down at the chapel. I wanted to go to the wedding, but Martin wouldn't let me. We went to a late lunch at TC's instead, down the road, and weren't we surprised when the whole wedding party came in for beers while we were there! So funny.

Here's this sillyface:

 She reminds me very much of the way Anja looked at this age. Here's a better, prettier picture:

 Elka is really sweet and snuggly. We are all enjoying her SO MUCH. The girls adore her. And so do Martin and I. Here she is giving me a big smile during a front seat diaper change coming home from our nephew's birthday party in Chicago:

 She loves nothing more than being nakey.

On the way home from Chicago this past time we finally made a stop we always talk about and never do:

Cabela's! It was sooooooooooooooooo much fun! I wouldn't have guessed that a sporting goods store could be such a great family outing, but it was!!  The place is completely full of taxidermy setups, with waterfalls and weird talking mannequins. The best part for Greta was the escalator. She is still talking about it and it's been two weeks. She calls it "that ride at Cablea's" and she loves remembering it.

We're still having a good summer! Glad we're not in school yet!

Oldness.

We've been celebrating around these parts lately. Last weekend Elka was baptized, followed by an everybody-who-has-a-birthday-in-the-next-few-weeks party for all of my side of the family. My parents and nephew were leaving on their journeys so there was much gift-giving and merry-making. And junk food.

The next week, Elka became 6 weeks old. (Last Thursday, to be exact.) We had Greta's godparents over that evening for cake and ice cream because they had not yet met Elka. It was a really nice time! There's something so charming and fun about spur-of-the-moment get togethers with people you really like. And the charm and fun is heightened when cake, ice cream and coffee are involved.

And then today is Martin's 30th birthday! We've been having a really nice day (with the exception of not making it to morning Mass on time and having to leave and feeling extremely frustrated. But it turned out okay because we were able to drive home and have plenty of time to load up and walk to a different church for a different Mass time.) And this is what brings me to the title of my blog post: Oldness.

I think about oldness a lot. I'm slightly obsessed with aging, the inevitable passing of time, and keeping track of years, minutes, events, etc. that come with a life. Specifically, my life and the way I see other lives through my own eyes. This obsession is almost always really depressing, unfortunately. I feel like my kids are growing up too fast, I feel like the next step of our lives can't possibly be as great as this part, I feel like we're so young and strong and happy and soon we'll all be old and wrinkly and we'll be empty nesters and people will look at us and say "check out those people... they sure are OLD."

Today at church I saw Mr. Klinker. He still mows his lawn, he still smokes his big fat cigar while he fills up his huge car at the gas station, but Mr. Klinker is looking really old. And even though the Klinkers are older than my parents, they aren't THAT much older, so I get to thinking, "Gosh, do my parents look that OLD?!" And then I think (with alarm), "DO I LOOK OLD?!?!?" And I realize that, yes, I do. To little children I am an old person. I am "a mom." I have some wrinkles around my eyes, I have a bigger bottom than I used to have, and I probably have that mom-ish look about me.  Maybe not to my peers, but to little children I most definitely am looking like an old person. And in the blink of an eye, it will be more than just a child's perception and I really will be an old person. And my kids will be grown up and moved away and have little children of their own. They won't be hanging from the top of the couch whining at me to stop typing and read them The Tailor of Gloucester for the ninety bazillionth time. (worst Beatrix Potter story EVER, btw.) And even though that scenario sounds pretty good right now, I know that years from now I will feel like I'd do ANYTHING to read that mind-numbing story to them again.

But there's a bright side to this sad obsession of mine and that is that I am getting really good at appreciating my moment-by-moment life. I'm good at stopping to smell the roses, dirty diapers, stinky potato bin that I don't have time to empty because I'm too busy reading storybook after storybook to my children. And yesterday when I was able to slip out by myself for a very, very, very short trip to a coffee shop I listened to a song in the car (Eels) with the line "these could be the good old days" and it made me think that these ARE the good old days! And aren't I lucky to be living them! And even though I'm getting older and Martin's getting older and we'll continue to get older every year, we really aren't THAT old yet (obviously) even though we like to tease each other about it.... and we certainly shouldn't let a 4-year-old's perception of us color the way we feel about ourselves.

So here's a picture of me not being old:

*** The previous part of this post was written on Sunday. Now it is Tuesday ***
 I have always used a wrap-style carrier for our babies and have continued to do so with Elka, but this time around I kind of wanted something less time-consuming (since it takes a whole forty-five seconds to tie on a wrap and get the baby into it.) I was really wanting a sling style carrier, but not a ring sling because I've use them and the rings always manage to annoy me. So I broke down and bought myself a New Native carrier and I really love it. It's perfect to just be able to pop her into it and keep moving. Since she's so little and doesn't seem to like lying down in it, it's not the most secure option--I have the wrap for that--but it's perfect for times like this, when I need to chop up my garlic for dinner but Martin is walking the dogs. Also, she just likes to ride around in it and see the world that way. It's pretty cute, actually.

SHE'S pretty cute. And so are Anja and Greta. We've been working our way through the Little House books and have made it all the way to On the Shores of Silver Lake, in which Laura is pretty much a grownup. I think she's sixteen or somewhere around that age. She discovers she has to be a schoolteacher and doesn't want to. We're about halfway through the book and we were reading it yesterday when Anja sighed and said, "I wish we were still on Little House in the Big Woods." I told her we'd put Silver Lake away till she's older and now we are re-reading about Laura's life in the Big Woods of Wisconsin, which is my favorite one of the books anyway, and Anja's too, since Laura is four years old when the story begins. After we read the first chapter, Anja and Greta started to play "butchering day." They got all their stuffed animals and pretended to cut them up. Then they built a fire and laid the animals on top of it to smoke them. And they were talking about salting the meat, too. It was so cute and silly.

Another activity they (Anja especially) have been into lately is paper dolls. But mostly cats. We read these stories about this cat named Jenny Linksy. The stories were written in the 40's and are just about the sweetest, most nonviolent things I've ever read. They are about all these cats who have a special secret Cat Club and Jenny Linksy is a tiny black cat who wears a red scarf always. Anyway, if you want to know more about the stories you can get them on Amazon, but my point is, they are innocent to the point of being boring. And we have made paper dolls of all the cats in the Cat Club--I cut them out and Anja decorates them--along with a paper doll for each of our family members, which don't get played with nearly as often as the cats. Anyway, imagine my surprise yesterday when I saw Anja playing with the paper dolls, arranging the cats carefully and then taking our family members and ripping them into tiny pieces. !?!?!? The cats were chopping up the people to make a birthday cake for Jenny Linksy!!  This is NOT the kind of activity these stories advocate!!!!!!!! Truthfully, I think she didn't like the people dolls and was looking for a creative way to get rid of them without hurting my feelings. Because if even a tail gets bent on one of the cats, she cries, but she never has been fond of those people.

Elka is very smiley, but of course I can never catch a photo of it. So here's one of smiling Anja instead, with a birthday donut and the birthday boy himself. Thirty!!

One Month Current Events

Pictures, pictures everywhere! Above, Anja and Elka

Elka, at one month. Why is this typing up as a link, I wonder?




We've been spending lots of time on the porch, since our scummy neighbors moved out! No more stinky cigarette smoke coming into my house! No more hollering at all hours! No more vacant eyes staring us down every single time we go outside! No more lighter fluid smells! Life is sweet when the house two feet away from your own is empty.


Anja took the picture above one night. I think it's a nice picture!
 
You might think Anja took this blurry one too, but in fact, I did. I just think her expression is so sweet though, I had to post it. She's getting really good at lifting her head/top half! She LOVES being on her tummy, which makes life easy.
 
These two pictures demonstrate the difference just once month can make! Hard to believe that slimy, blood-covered, cone-headed being is the chubby-cheeked baby she is today. Same amount of hair though.


One month! Good grief, time flies, doesn't it? I spent nine months being miserable in pregnancy, feeling like every hour was creeping by, and then Elka is born and now life has sped up again and she's already a month old--smiling, lifting the front of her body with her forearms, and mostly only waking up once a night. She's turning into a BABY. I never thought I'd miss the newborn stage... but I do! Although she's pretty fun now, especially in the mornings. While she is a champion sleeper, I sometimes worry that nighttime is the only time she's getting any good quality sleep. It's hard to keep a four and three year old quiet for naps.

Anyway, we've really been enjoying our summer, despite the heat and the drought. Sadly, the only thing our garden is producing is bottom blight. Well, and our raspberry transplants are doing well because Martin is pampering them. But my herbs are looking sad and weak, and except for the tomatoes (which are huge and actually have LOTS of tomatoes... just no good ones) nothing grew. And I mean NOTHING. Last year our heirloom tomatoes came up in our raised beds without any care at all. This year we have a box full of dirt. And I tried planting some pepper plants late in the season, but they are still the same size as when I got them! It's laughable, really. Oh well, we are fortunate enough to not only not be depending on our own garden for our food or livelihood, but also we have plenty of sources for good local foods nearby. Except this past Saturday we forgot to pick up our CSA share, so we're a little short in the fresh veggie department this week. So, EAT LOCAL! But once you've made the commitment, don't forget to GET your food!

The last two weeks Anja was enrolled in swimming lessons--her very first organized activity. We signed up with my sister's kids, and all of them had a pretty rocky start.... only one out of six children stayed in their original class--the rest of them moved down a level the second day! And one dropped out. Every day Anja said she had a great time but wasn't going to go back the next day because she was convinced they were going to "make her" put her face in the water. (So you know--her teacher was super sweet and I can't imagine her forcing anyone to do anything.) Anyway, we made it through! And at the end of the two weeks you're given a report that tells you what level you're ready for next summer... Anja is ready for the same level again! Hahahaha, only one of the kids was recommended to move up a level. I'm telling you, we've got some real fish in our family. Har har.

I read some of the regular blogs I read this evening and it seems like everyone is doing exciting things this summer. Well, actually, it seems everyone's exciting lives include broken bones and lost children...... I don't want those things. But my point is, things are anything but exciting around here. Martin goes off to work every morning and the girls and I spend our days being happy together. We've lately been making and decorating paper dolls. It's super hot (gee, have you heard?) outside, so we mostly stay in, except to go out and jump hopscotch or swing on the porch swing. We've been making iced coffee by the jugful and while it's been too hot to take family walks, I did recieve a package in the mail that contained a pair of Indian clubs, so I have to learn some routines with those and then I'll be back on the excercise wagon, which will be good. Very good... especially with all this creamy iced coffee I've been drinking.

But even with all this "nothing" going on, we are having the happiest summer ever. I have yet to feel stressed by moving up from two children to three. Admittedly, Martin and I are not getting a lot of sleep, but it's not that bad... and during the days everything is just pleasant. The girls went through a short phase of fighting all. the. time. about a week after Elka was born, but they've gotten over it.

Greta's been up to her same old silliness, and Anja has been just as creative and sweet as always. The one hard time of the day is when somebody, somewhere, flips the "crazy" switch at 4:30 and Greta temporarily loses her mind until she goes to bed. Sometimes it's a happy crazy, sometimes it's an angry crazy, but it's always violent and destructive. Today she started catopulting cheerios against the wall from the far end of the table. When I told her to go into the bathroom and wash her hands then, she ran by the fridge with her arms out, taking down everything that was magnetized to the fridge. Uuuuuggghhhhh. And you know how some kids like to have their back scratched when they fall asleep? Greta likes to have her tummy scratched! It's so funny. It's another huge difference between Anja and Greta: Greta loves physical contact--she likes to be tickled, she likes her feet rubbed, and she likes her whole body scratched.... Anja, on the other hand, has to wash herself in the bath because she hates being touched SO MUCH that I can't even wash her. So funny!

This is a seriously boring post. AND it doesn't touch on the annoyingness and unfairness of pregnancy that I said I'd post about. I'll do that soon. I still want to. I hope you at least enjoy the pictures. And I hope my next post is less dumb.

The really dumb part is that I started this early this afternoon, and now it's 10:30pm and after working on it all day, this is what I got. Ugh. I'm a loser.